just to update everyone who has been so amazingly kind on this thread. i printed out a copy of one of the posts i had posted in another forum here and gave it to my T this evening. then i spent most of the rest of the session crying in her office. i dont know how i feel now at all. just that i feel really tired and i want to be by myself but im not going to get the chance cos i will have a friend whos going through a really bad time sleeping on the floor in my tiny bedsit from tomorrow until sunday and i have a class night out on friday so i ll be spending most of the weekend looking after and supporting her. not that i mind. just it would be good right now to have the space to sort through things.
T wants to see me again on monday. i ll go but after that i really dont know whats going to happen.

garfunkal: im so sorry you re feeling the same at the moment. *handing you the softest loo paper i have left*. i hope you can write some stuff out and feel better soon. and you re right, there are a lot of stunningly beautiful people here whom i will be eternally grateful for.

thank you from my heart to everyone on PC.
hugs
biiv