I feel like I'm stuck knowing who I want to be, and where I want to go in life but not knowing how to get there. I'm beyond frustrated with myself for not being able to handle going back to school. because i really just want to get it over with , and make something out of myself. I feel everyone is going somewhere, and I'm going no where.Like I'm just standing still and watching my life pass me by. I have no motivation for anything anymore. I can't even get myself out of bed most of the time, and getting myself out of the house is a whole other story. When I leave the house, I can't wait to get back inside. I never used to be this bad. Lately I just don't even want to be around anyone. I could only imagine how suffocating my boyfriend feels living with him, and needing his constant attention/affection/reassurance, but he deals with it, because he loves me. not to say there's not days where we feel like strangling each other to death. It's just hard for me to not feel like I'm a burden on him.

Since he's been with he doesn't go out much, he doesn't really talk to many people, or have many friends anymore (the ones he did have hate him, or ignore him) He's lost his dog (i convinced him to give him away because of money issues) He doesn't have any hobbies anymore. doesn't play guitar, or write music. I feel like me being so needy, and dependent on him is wearing him down. When he's not around I feel so drained. I really don't know what I would do without him. We have been both trying really hard to get things going. Our money situation is still crappy. There's still so many things we need to buy for the apartment. This month was brutal, We had 50 dollars after our bills to buy food. We had to put a bunch of food back in the grocery store. It was so embarrassing, I felt like crying. I had to go out for a smoke.

My family doesn't talk to me much anymore. I doubt I'll be getting any gifts for Christmas this year from my family. My mother has me on Facebook, but she never goes out of her way to talk to me. I have no friends anymore. I feel like everyone is against me, and lately it's seems that way. I'm not even good at making friends. It's seems like everyone only talks to me because they are bored or when its convenient for them. I just feel so disassociated lately, like an outsider looking in. I feel like I'm on the verge of loosing touch with reality.
Everything feels like a dream. I don't know what's worse feeling numb on medication, or feeling crazy without it ?