Hello I'm new here and not sure if anyone here can point me in the right direction. I am not going to act like I did nothing wrong in this so let me start off by just saying I messed up really bad this year and had an affair. Ive been married 16 years and this past January my husband told me he wasn't in love with me anymore so I did the wrong thing and had an affair. I was so hurt by what my husband said I think I must have lost my mind for awhile. I lost a lot of weight and changed the way I looked and dressed. I found myself a 26 year old online and started an affair with him. This entire time I was seeing him I was thinking he would be my next bf or even husband. Well he told me he was single when we first met but I found out 2 months ago he has a gf and she is completely clueless to who this guy really is and has no idea about his strange fetish. I didn't learn about the strange fetish of course until a few months had gone by and I found myself really falling for him and wanting to leave my husband for him. Well I confessed to my husband that I did have an affair and he is working on trying to forgive me but I can't get some things straight in my mind. I haven't talked to the other man since November and I'm sure he will contact me again at some point. He told me he wanted to tell me about his fetish and it is scat. He wanted me to do it in his mouth! At the time he asked me I couldn't even think of doing something so strange ever! The scariest thing was I actually thought about doing it just to make him like me more. How sick is that? I'm so heartbroken and torn right now between what to do. My head tells me to delete all his pics and emails and try and work things out with my husband who I am no longer attracted to at all but my heart tells me I'm in love with the other man. When I asked the other man about his strange fetish and why he would want that he said it is the most mentally erotic thing that you can do. Can someone please help me understand this? I just can't and I really can't talk about this with anyone. I guess I've just had a really sheltered life but I never in a million years would have thought I would have picked the biggest freak in the entire state of Texas and I think I'm in love with him. I'm torn on what to do? We only slept together a total of 11-12 times and I would think I should be able to get him out of my head but I can't and I need advice. Please don't beat me up for cheating on my husband I know I should have just got a divorce but I made the wrong decision. The other man doesn't even look like a freak...he looks completely normal and is very attractive. I'm just lost on what to do and I'm beginning to wonder if he and I aren't soul mates because we just click so well even if I am a lot older than he is. Please help.