Glad you were able to vent here. You are doing the right thing by keeping peace for you children's sake, but you do need to let it out in a responible way such as venting here. You might want to see a counselor to help you through the grieving and loss issues so you can move on.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha