I have asked God that same question so many times over the last 30 years!!! I do not know the answer. God does. All will be made clear when we go to heaven. Until then, I will just have to figure that God knows and that is good enough for me. However, I do not want to exist. That is something different. I have two daughters that I must be here for. My mother needs me as well and my husband. Besides that, this world is a **** hole. The worse life.