Ultimatums, don't usually work. Ending things, over this, meh, that could be seen as overreacting.
However, your feelings, aren't an overreaction.
I'd be very hurt, and confused over the parents remarks.
I get, the hurt, over lack of being introduced, to his toddler, especially after moving him into your life, and your children have bonded to him.
Your kids ARE asking questions. That's, the 'tug', imo.
You don't seem, to sound satisfied, with the excuses made. Plus, the parents comments added, to the mix.
Are you having second thoughts, with him, in your life? Anything else, adding to the mix, of wanting to end things?


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I want to add, from my own, personal perspective, on adding a man into a single moms life. I am forced, into a holding pattern, by virtue of living a couple thousand miles away. So, I'm going through the emotions of moving in together, before it actually happens.
One thing, has been, fear of commitment, not in married sense, but stability, due to kids. Fear of them walking away, hurting not just me, but the kids, is something that put me in, a question this defensively, before everyone gets hurt.
With that in mind, you could approach this, in bringing up, fear that he won't want to do this with you, 3/5/7 years down the road. My fear, is after not raising kids in decades(my guy), three young, energetic, rambunctious boys would be overwhelming.
How committed, to being in your boys life, is your man? Is he strong enough, to offer your boys, the stability that they so crave and deserve?
No ultimatums there, just raw honesty.
You could very well be in protective mode, hence desire for ultimatum.


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Good point, and up to him, to express it, that way. Giving a timeframe, setting the OP's sons' questions an answer.

That's why I propose the OP word, this discussion, to express fear of not knowing he'd offer a long term stable environment, for her and the kids. Naturally, there's no guarantees in life, just between the excuses about the toddler, coupled with his parents lack of interest in meeting her, because their son has a less than stellar track record, I can appreciate the OP's questioning about ending things. It's just unfortunate her own children stand to be hurt, by all this.

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Again I hope you read my previous reply. This is based on assumptions again. implying that this is an excuse at all frames the man in such a negative light and to be honest he has no way to defend himself here and in this situation I really don't feel like we know enough to do any kind of analysis that would be very accurate.

I can appreciate her fears too. I can appreciate her feelings to want to quit, I've been there too but to use an example, I will use my gamer girl. I had a blowout and it was based on my assumptions that she wasn't as attached to me as I would like her to be and that she couldn't see a future in us. Now it all came down to "I want to know she's mine now" kind of thing, rather than realizing she is here with me everyday and may not be at that point yet, and that has to be ok.

If she loves him and wants a future with him, I say get it out in the open and one of two good things can happen. Either he explains and she feels better about it (hopefully) because she understands his reasoning or he acommodates her and does something to make her feel that he is indeed serious. Either way she needs to talk to him about it but I emphasize again, without accusation or pointing fingers.