What's WRONG with me? Seriously last session T took in all the ways I was harming myself (With my meds and cutting) and goes, "What can I do to help you? What are we going to do? You obviously need some more support than I can give you, you need someone more available to you." And I'm like, "I don't know what to do!" And she goes, "I really think you could do better with a clinic closer to home, with the med docs in the same building, I could transfer you out, you wouldn't have to go through the waiting list, you'd go right in." And my heart just froze. She thinks I'm not working hard enough and that my issues are too much for her.

Yet what am I excited about? Book buy backs at the college are tomorrow and I'm going to go buy myself a new box cutter with TONS of blades. Mean while my T is getting me into a residential facility where I can't self-harm. UGH wtf is wrong with my HEAD.

I COULD LOSE MY T WHOM I LOVE AND ADORE AND I STILL CAN'T STOP.

I THINK I HAVE A PROBLEM.
I mean i knew I had an issue when I was making blades out of every day objects cause i have no money.
BUT MY T? I'M GOING TO SACRIFICE MY T FOR THIS?

How do I stop? Someone please!?