It's so difficult to deal with things when you get into the "should"s instead if the "are"s. When you are able to fully accept where you are in life, you can work with that to move forward. When you're so focused on how you should be able to do x,y, and z, you don't have nearly as much time, let along energy to find solutions to make it work.

I'm glad your t didn't minimize anything. And I'm glad you're able to state it so clearly. It's not a BAD thing, it's not anybody's fault, it just is.

Once I was able to accept that my life was 'on pause' while I learned to cope and deal with issues, I was able to start having compassion for myself. It really was hard for me to go out in public, go to crowded places, or noisy ones, etc. It was much harder than it used to be and it was much harder for me than many other people found it. Once I was able to admit the fact, I was able to slowly start talking myself through smaller situations, and was able to give myself the credit that was so overdue whenever I was able to do something that seemed little to me...because it was such a big deal.

A few things that helped with social anxiety: Always having an escape plan. I would make sure I had a ride away from whatever store or situation, and that I was not dependent on waiting for the event or shopping to be finished before I could leave. I drive, so I started bringing my car with me everywhere, and not offering rides, unless someone was ready to leave the second I was.
Along with escape plans, i carried (and still do sometimes) a safety bag. I have things for me to do to calm myself down. A book in case I have to wait anywhere and need to be distracted from my surroundings, a water bottle, so that I can sip away at something, and have my hands have omsehting to do, decreasing anxiety. Fidget toys, food if I was worried about blood sugar, and anything else to have on hand if you need it.

A support. If it was really difficult to go somewhere, like a gathering, I'd plan out who I was going to stick next to during the event, making it less scary for me. If I knew I was too overwhelmed I'd bring along a support to go shopping with me. I'd make sure it was someone who would understand if I needed to bail, and who would either be fine continuing on their own, or happy to leave with me at a moments notice. If no one was with me, I would sometimes text a friend, just to have some contact with someone who likes me for who I am.

I knew where all the bathrooms were so that I could have a few moments of peace to breathe, away from people, if I ever needed it. Then I could keep going if all I needed was a break.

I also slowed down my expectations of things. I learned that you have to go somewhere quite a few times before you feel comfortable there. Given my anxiety, I added a few times. I knew that it was going to be difficult. So instead of trying to get myself to 'buy groceries for the week' I would attempt to last 5 mins (or ten or two, or just make it to the parking lot) there. I realized that these smaller chunks were more doable, and everytime I succeeded at one, it was a step forward. Any time spent somewhere was a success, instead of focusing on the fact that I left. I focused on the fact that I went, or I tried. Eventually places did become more relaxed, and I was able to feel comfortable at certain places. And if the parking lot at the grocery store looks full and I'm not 100% feeling like I can handle it, I still turn away, go somehwere else or go back at a later time. Instead of seeing that as a failure, I look at it as me looking after myself.

K, that's a lot of rambling. I hope things start to become more smooth for you. Even if you're feeling like this now, it doens't mean you will always feel like this. I hope you can look at your successes and be proud of them. Laughing at the mental illness is something to be proud of, it is a success. The fact that you keep rowing your boat is amazing. It shows strength, courage and success. Good for you!
xoxo
IJ