I understand wanting to give in secretwhisper, but sometimes it's that wanting to give in that will carry us through. Don't be mad at yourself if you do give in (that's not permission to cut), but try your best. I know you're tired of fighting.

When I get like that, I write poems about how much I want to give in. They usually end in "but now I know I won't". and a bit more anger because i want to but now I've built a wall that even though I'm sabotaging myself (i use music and liquor too), I know I won't.