What do you do? Do you abstain completely? Do you have a little now and then? Is it a struggle? What is it like for you?

So I have not had a drink since July 20th when I sunk myself in white wine due to overwhelming anxiety and woke up is a worsened depression that got worse and worse. The couple of times I drank leading up to that were emotionally charged times for me (I crashed bad in March and just cycled all around until I started my meds) and I ended up not being able to stop when I would start. Now I have always had a relationship with alcohol. It makes you feel better when you're down, makes you feel calmer when you're up, and is always a master at peeling away anxiety. It is also a social thing, a ritual thing, a special occasion thing. This past year I have had at least two glasses of wine

I know it is destabilizing. I know it messes up my brain. I am trying so hard to do absolutely everything I possibly can to remain stable, to recover from that awful episode, to stay in this happy steady place. But I struggle with the booze. It tempts me a lot.

So unfortunately we opened some red wine for a recipe two days ago but did not drink it and stupidly just left it here. Now hubby is away and....

I absolutely could not help myself. I poured a glass. It tastes so good. I think I can totally stop....

My worry is that it has such a hold on me. That I want it so much even in this emotionally stable state. Do you think I need to go to AA?