I have two amazing kids and plan to have at least one more. For my first I was undxed and had a completely stable pregnancy and postpartum. For my second I was dxed and went off my Abilify and Wellbutrin and Klonopin and immediately felt better because Abilify was such a terrible drug for me. That pregnancy was totally stable and I was fine postpartum till about five months when the sleep deprivation sent me into mania (hypomania) anyway. I was more delusional than ever but functioned extremely well. (Mania is actually awesome if you have to be up with a baby all night anyway....not that I recommend that at all!!!!). Anyway then I crashed a few months later. Hung on cycling around until he was a year, quit breastfeeding and went on Lamictal and Klonopin and am super happy now.

We thought a pregnancy on meds was totally not an option and looked into adoption big time and were really close to doing it....so close...till we realized we could not afford it. So we decided to really research and consult with people. I read tons of research articles like it was my job. I started to realize this was doable.

Because of the way my illness seems to be getting worse, my husband, my OBs, my pdoc, and my perinatologists are all totally onboard with me staying on Lamictal while pregnant (breastfeeding will be another decision to make down the line but currently the academy of neurology recommends it in mothers on anticonvulsants saying the benefits of being out way risks).

I went to the perinatologists for a pre conceptual consultation and they were basically like Lamictal is no big deal. They have been doing Lamictal pregnancies since 1995. Etc etc. They said i had no more reason to worry than any other pregnant person. They even said they thought I should take the klonopin if I really needed it.

One thing I cannot do next time is the no sleep thing. Hubby knows he has a big job ahead of him in that department. Whatever help and support you can line up do that. I always took everything upon myself. Next time I'm getting a mother's helper and babysitters and putting my other guys in schools etc.

So that is my story and that is where I am. Don't know what you can do about your med situation. It might be a good idea to not just talk to your pdoc but to talk to your OBs or find one who is open and helpful and kind and get a referral to see the Maternal Fetal medicine specialists, the perinats. They have more knowledge about the drugs and their effects on the fetus than the pdoc does and could help you find possible drugs that you could then take to your pdoc.

I am a great mom if I say it myself. I love being a mom. If you want to be a mother you can. If you want to hold your own baby...go for it. Obviously, you need to do what it right for you. I don't know you. But if it really matters to you, you can make this dream come true.

Most important thing is staying as stable and healthy as possible because obviously it scrapes you raw to be everything your kids need you to be when you are in the depths of depression. Do your exercise, get your sleep, don't drink....you know everything they tell us.

Find meds you can stay on while pregnant. Worry about bfing later (it is wonderful to do but having a baby is the magical thing). Find docs who are knowledgable and open and helpful.

Hug Hug Hug!!!!!!!!!