How do you know who is projecting and who is not? Often, especially in psychotherapy, I see two groups "tell-it-as-it-is-and-it-is-harsh" and "let's-have-pity-and-enable-party". Now what is more destructive?

I know I may be big of beyotch with my approach... but I consider "oh yes, it's horrible, you are doomed, but it's not your fault, because of *insert deux ex excusia* happened... and you will never be able to overcome it" much much worse.