It will be 2 years tomorrow on the 12th of December that my brother took his life. It feels like yesterday, and it's still really raw. I miss him so much. I love him with all my heart. I haven't seen his family in a year, basically have had no contact with them. I don't know if will be seeing them any time soon. I don't know what to do about it either. They live a few hours away from me and my sis-in-law (if I still call her that) doesn't seem to have any interest in my brother's side of the family. It's all really sad really and will most likely remain that way.

I still can't look at his picture or the scrapbook my step-mom made me last year. I haven't been able to cry, I have no emotions lately. This time of year is so hard for me especially now that my friend was just diagnosed with cancer. I am taking care of her and trying to be the best friend I can to her right now. I am putting all my stuff on the shelf right now for her. I had to take a leave of absence from work last month due to such anxiety and depression and not being able to go to work. I am off till the 3rd of Feb. I don't know if this is going to be long enough. I first and foremost want to make sure I can be there for my friend and make sure she knows I am in it for the long haul. Second I need to deal with the things that are going to be put on the shelf. I won't be seeing my T for a month over the holiday season and for half of January, so there will not be much support for me.

I hope everyone out there is safe and you are all in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for listening.
jen