I don't take it personally if my H says " ya know I'm just not in the mood, I feel kinda down."

Have you tried saying "Do you ever feel like not having sex when you are depressed, I kinda feel like that right now." That way she has to think and relate, then she might could understand a little more.

But timing is everything. Start the evening off that way. Don't let the sexual tension build then flip out and say leave me alone, she will take it personal. Or don't say I just don't want to. She needs to know that in advance it is not going to happen then it is not an expectation.