Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions
I definitely can understand that. I was in that dark place a few times, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody. It's an agonizing, lifeless, hopeless place. No energy at all. Just that deep dark hole.
My T suggested that I go on meetup.com and try to find something to get involved in. I had no desire at all to do it. What he told me was that I needed to do it IN SPITE of what I was feeling. So, while every fiber of my being wanted to do nothing of the sort, I had to push myself to pick stuff to try out. I had no idea where to start.
It's not easy to climb out of that hole.  |
I once had a T tell me (correctly so) that feelings are not that important. I am in a hole because I have been treated badly by a lot of people for a long time. And, today I had a really, really bad day due to some of the chronic illnesses that I suffer from, and for other reasons too. I keep trying to break out of the habit that I learned from my mother and aunt that "I'll do it when I feel like it." But, I learned that at such a young age and it was instilled so deeply that it's hard to fight it because I'm not always conscious of it.
I have been following things on meet-up and on the platonic pages of Craig's List. I have been afraid to follow through. I know that socially I will not succeed until I pick up my face and smile. I have a ways to go before that becomes a reality.
I guess the bottom line is that I really don't need something that's frivolous. I need to find something that I genuinely enjoy; something I will be adequate at without much effort or talent.