Pet, I do believe he died to me many years ago, yes, I grieved, I raged, I pitched a royal fit. For many reasons. The feelings now are that of adjustment. Oh, so now we are 8 sibs. That first loss of a sibling is a strong mark in history am I correct? The travel now is about the rest of the families' perceptions of their grief and my brother's life.

Fuzzy, thanks for the hugs... Always use hugs.

Pat, thanks for the compliment. Though I am not sure it is earned. I will say that I have had to dredge these waters so many times that now it is almost practiced.
I am glad I gave him no additional pain to suffer and that I at least had some comprehension of his suffering.
He also had a comprehension, an innate understanding and empathy to those around him when he wasn't on high alert frightened. He saw and knew a lot he could never express. He was very loyal. I am learning that he cared deeply for my baby sister's oldest and that makes me joyful that he could give her that. Of course it also means she is suffering with loss but the gift is greater then the loss.
So not as black and white today. His life had value still even if it was difficult for me to share in that. He was still a genius and a great tinkerer.
Anyways, thanks Pat. Remind me to tell you the funny thing about your name as well as your daughter's.

Peace, thank you all for reaching out. I am sure this will be an interesting time as the message sinks in here.