Hello Everyone,

My first post! Thought Women-Focused Support would be appropriate place to post my first.

I am a 26 year old. I am a mom of a 5 year old and a wife to a wonderful man.

I attempted my first and hopefully my last suicide in May this year.

I was rushed into the emergency room. I was hospitalized for 4 days and after and was moved to a psychiatric floor as I was on 51-50 hold. I was eventually released back to reality few days after.

I received a phone call from a place I interviewed for a job prior to my hospitalization. I jumped in and started working full time as a preschool teacher. It seem like it was the best decision at the time. I was able to have my daughter attend their after school program for discounted price.

Being able to be close to my daughter while working and staying on top of busy life helped me cope. Just recently I decided to go part time. I only work in the morning and go pick up my daughter from her school once I get off. I needed to spend more time with my baby.

It's been just about a week since I started being home with my daughter.

I love just sitting around at home with my daughter. Little cuddles here and there and a lot of just because kisses. I feels right. Makes me so ashamed to have made such a mistake.

I started throwing up and passed out at my own home in front my daughter and my husband at the time of suicide attempt. My daughter still asks me about what had happened to me. She freaks out when I cough and asks if I am going to throw up again and be taken in a ambulance... I want my child to forget that image of me forever. But it stuck in her little heart. I can't bare this pain... nor want to even mention this to my husband.

Will this feeling go away. How do I cope with this part of struggles?

I am an early childhood educator and I have no answer to my own. It sickens me to think of this happening to another family. Children should not ever have to see their parent dying in front of them,

Any advice or input is greatly appreciated.

Thank You.