Happy Holidays? Except not, lol. Well, that's not completely true, I am quite grateful for the immediate family I have. Hubbie, three munchkins, annoying yet cute little dog. They are great. It's the rest of my family I struggle with. Mom is easy, she is involved, as much as she can be. I expect more than she is able to offer and that leads to a bit of frustration for me but that's my prob, but she isn't what makes the holiday difficult. Dad on the other hand, quick back story, never really been there for me...yet around the holidays I feel just terrible aweful guilty for not making an effort to contact him. It really hurts to feel like he would not blink an eye at my absence in his life. He and my mom divorced before I was one, or two. He made minimal effort to spend time with me. So, to feel like your father doesn't care about you is pretty bogus. Now add my kids and I really feel akward. My kids are like, ? grandpa who?. Anyways, I get it, maybe...he has his own demons to fight. Can someone tell me where to find the guilt switch? It's so weird as I write this, I see its silly for me to care when he doesn't. I get pretty worked up over it, especially when I see my uncle, his brother. They told me I was trying too hard. I want a better relationship with my dad but how, when he isn't there? I want my kids to know their grandfather, but how when he doesn't reach out to us? The last time I asked him to meet with me and the kids, he no showed. Didn't call, but emailed me the next day that he was just tired. I emailed back expressing my feelings about how crappy it was that he did this to me as a kid, but that I wouldn't let my kids learn to allow people to disregard them. A phone call to cancel would have been just fine. Believe me, I have three kids, all under ten yrs old, one with special needs. I get tired. Thanks for listening. God Bless.