Hey guys,

I didn't know where to post this. I am usually in the psychotherapy forum, but it didn't seem appropriate. This may be kind of long cos there's a bit of back ground to it.

Basically I want to know if I'm justified in thinking the sibling is violating boundaries. This will be long cos there's lots of background I want to get out there. Here it is.

I have a younger sibling (3 yrs difference). We are not close. She has untreated mental problems which may include being bi-polar. A friend of mine who grew up with us suspects she's bipolar because of several things in her behavior. That's another story.

About 1-yr-and-a-half ago the sibling got on Facebook. She added me, other relatives and her friends. Nothing unusual. She had been without internet service for several years so that's why she wasn't on and didn't really know anything about social media etiquette. She and I were (at the time) living close to each other back home in So. Cal. She was (per usual) living with our mother. She had been out of work for several years and unable to find employment so she decided to start her own little business. I was proud and supportive. Although I don't like her very much, I usually will try to help her if I can. So when she started sending friend requests to my friends, I didn't think too much of it. I just thought she was trying to get the word out about her business. Needless to say I got very tired of going to social functions and having my friends come up to me and question me about her requests. I explained it by telling them about the business she was starting and that she was not clear on etiquette about not adding folks you dont' know at least without an explanation as to why.

I keep in touch with only very close and important friends on FB. These are people I've worked with and forged deep bonds with in my former profession. These people are very important to me. I explained several times about etiquette and that my friends are some very private people and to not send these requests unless she explains why she is reaching out to them. She always seemed slightly offended when I would tell her this. Every one I asked always told me the requests came without explanation and that they thought it was strange.

This is annoying to me because it is a similar pattern I've seen in her throughout our whole life. She would always use my property (not that my friends are property) when we were growing up and break it.
I have been living with her and our mother now for the last several months here in NOVA. I came out to search for a higher paying job. I have a job but it doesn't pay very well. so I've stayed here while I searched. I am on my way out of this state very soon though because I've been wildly unsuccessful out here. But I digress...

When I moved here in Jan. I let her drive my car for a few months, because she has a retail job and I work from home. I had the car shipped here ahead of me so she was using it for about a month before I got here. When she picked me up from the airport in January, I remember thinking wow this car is really clean and neat. The sibling and parental unit are known to be slovenly. So I was surprised.
When I took my car back in March it was trashed on the inside. She had clothing, discarded tissues, water bottles and other assorted junk in it. I was aghast and pissed to say the least. I had some minor repairs done, cleaned it out and she has never driven it since. I felt completely disrespected.

Here's another example of her behavior.

Last summer, I had gone out with a guy I was seeing casually. We had gone to eat after a nice summer hike in Chino Hills state park on a lovely August afternoon. I got some food for the sibling to go. I texted her and had her come over to pick it up for dinner. My date and I are sitting on my couch just about to have some drinks, shower and then have a little adult fun when she comes over. Instead of making polite small talk, taking the food I got her and leaving quickly, she actually sits down at my computer starts holding a convo with my date and then opens up the food and stars to eat. I got her to go by saying (after nearly 30 mins had passed) that I had to shower, so she needed to leave. Per her usual M.O. she got this offended look on her face and left. No apology no nothing. I realize she's gay, but it should have been obvious that 3 was a crowd.

And I could go on and on about the social media stuff. I'm extremely tired of seeing her pop up on my friends newsfeeds with her comments as if she knows these people. it's ridiculous.

I see these as boundary violations. For years I never knew what to call this behavior of hers toward me. These are just a tiny number of examples of this, trust me I can go on and on forever, but you get the idea.

Here is my question. Am I being petty, or is she actually violating boundaries? Please feel free to comment, I really want other perspectives. This has been going on nearly my whole life.