The good thing about therapy is that I do listen and do a bit of thinking afterwards. My doc knows me VERY well after seven years...kind of scary...can't get away with anything.

After my last suicidal episode I promised to be TOTALLY honest with him, and I am. As I told him today, his office is the only place I don't hide, as in appearing to be what I am not as I/we do in public or with family. He makes me think, a good thing.

Sometimes, even without intent, I get a kick in the butt, an awakening, from a session. Fir example, why do I let my mother, who is 1,000 miles away decide who I am or am not. I know I shouldn't, but it is so very painful to know that of the three sisters I am the only disappointment my mother has, even at my age.

I actually ate dinner tonight and will prepare my seven-day pillbox and my 4:30pm pocket box in the morning. It was stupid depression and I just continue to let it define me and sink so quickly.

I will talk to the outpatient person and maybe I don't need to go there after all. I've been twice before, so they know me too.