So it's all my fault now, isn't it. Blaming everyone when I should be blaming myself. I should just come out of my hole and live in the present and the future. The present is trash. So is the future.

I'm sorry if I'm not Miss Happy Go Lucky and don't reply with a sunny hello to every post I receive. I have depression. So does my family. My family is 500 miles away. My father is still angry at Rick for what he did. He exploded at the mere mention of his name today, so I had to lie and say someone else was coming over.

I'm sorry if this post offends anyone. But it's game over and I won't waste any more of your time with my whining, bitterness and anger. I can't be fixed and it's my fault.

Besides, I'm lucky if I have the energy for one or two posts. I isolate myself,remember? Maybe it was a mistake to ever come on here.

To the person who was offended by my post...go onto a disabled rights website and read some of what people are feeling before you pass judgment. The law does not always protect you.

My parents aren't coming back. I felt real fear today when I heard my father cursing and swearing putting an air conditioner in and I was begging Jesus Christ to get him out. When my parents rang up, I passed two neighbours in the hall and wanted to beg them for help. I feel horrid. I will live my life alone in my hole, but my hole is a lot safer than what's out there. Unless you've lived in one all your life, you don't understand how safe it can be and how scary it is outside.

I will go to the church and camp out under the stars. I won't be coming back here again. Maybe in Heaven, I will know what it's like to be held and safe at last. I want to be held forever. And no one here can give that feeling to me. No one.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.