I've recently discovered the base root of my self esteem issues and it is SHAME. No matter what I do externally, I will never heal until I can overcome my deep-seated feeling of inadequacy that was instilled by an alcoholic father and codependent mother. I was raised under a cloud of anger, fear and identity crushing criticism. I have always avoided situations which risk my being judged and rejected. Sadly, in life, that is the only way to build the relationships that bring success, self confidence and happiness. I am infected with a shame virus. Before it only sickened me. Now it is killing me.