Filled my seven day pillbox and late afternoon pocket pillbox...took meds just now for the first time since Saturday. Only because of the potential effects of not taking them, not because I care.

Went to physical therapy and crossing my fingers I won't need my cervical collar this evening. Apparently we are strengthening my neck muscles so that post-surgical will be less lengthy...fusion of C3-C7. But don't see neurosurgeon until February 19. So exciting...not...more titanium, more surgery.

Went to lunch with a neighbor; very small lunch, food is still not appealing. Tried to talk about my recent trip home when she asked, but since I started to cry, I stopped. She knows of my mental illness issues.

I am trying to care about living, but it still is not a good thought. Still hate life and hate living. There is nothing good about it.