This hits me hard, reading this, I don't like that you are suffering but it's also nice to see that there are people I can relate to.

As for your questions, I'm not sure how to answer them. I like the part of me that wants to be alone all the time and I do my best to nourish it. I feel that by accepting that part of myself and taking care of it the best way I can makes having to deal with the rest of my life a lot easier.

But it seems like you just don't want to be this way at all. If that's the case I think the only way to do it is to just keep getting out there, it's going to be uncomfortable and it's going to hurt but unfortunately I think the only way we can learn to cope with those emotions is by allowing ourselves to experience them. Get out of your routine, try new things, let things happen to you even if you are unsure of them. I hope you can find some peace.