Okay, here's an emotion that i'm trying to cope with: anger.

I legitimately have a problem with saying no, i'm working on that in T. But when I say no - my mother absolutely ignores it or guilts me into saying yes.

The year before last I put up the Christmas tree (by myself). It was my first Christmas home from college and I thought - why not. It was nice and lovely and we have kids in our family who'd love it. Cool. Then I had to take it down (alone) and I decided, I probably wouldn't do it next year because that part wasn't so fun.

Last year I said i'd rather not put the Christmas tree up. My mom guilted me into putting it up saying how she really likes it and the kids will love it and lalalala. Well that tree went up again - alone. I told her I was absolutely not taking it down. So she said i'll help you. I said ok fine. She helped me and obviously we got distracted because only 2/3 of it got down. And I'm sure the other part didn't get down because I was "taking a stand".

THIS year i said that I am not putting up the Christmas tree. So far i've made it to day 12 and my mom's like "well i'll put it up by myself". I was just like "yeah...ok " My "mom" is actually my grandmother and clearly i'm not going to allow her to do that by herself and get hurt.

So today i told her that I am not putting the tree up this year. She told me to stop being so lazy. I wanted to yell f*** you, but of course, i'm respectful enough not to. But I am definitely getting more and more angry and resentful and I was just starting to get past some of that with her (as its already been established in T that we're codependent).

So, since the tree is basically for my aunts kids I told my mom i'd watch the kids and let my aunt help her with the tree and she said no! I've told her that the rest of my family is NOT handicap and more than capable of doing the things I do for her (as i AM the youngest adult in this freakin family right now).

She SAYS its because nobody else does things without messing stuff up or half doing it etc. I've told her it FEELS like she is saying "I don't want other people have to slave to do things they don't want to but Teal, yeah its okay for her to slave and do all the work."

I'm trying not to s.h. because I realize my anger is with her not myself right now but gah I am so so so annoyed right now. At this point i'm thinking next year i'm not even going to be home at all for the month of December to make sure that I don't put up that **** tree.