But Toilet, your depression IS a big deal. OBVIOUSLY it's a big if it affects someone other than yourself!

I don't know. I DO know that everybody is different and has different reactions, but, if YOUR partner didn't feel like having sex with YOU because she was feeling really down and depressed, wouldn't YOU want to know that? I think most people would. I know that I'd HATE having sex with my wife if she wasn't a 100% actively willing participant. I might have to grit my teeth and take a cold shower, but I'd still want to know.

Do you really think your partner would be upset with you for letting her know how depressed you were feeling... and that you just wanted to hold her and be held for a while?

As I said, everybody is different, but in the past when I was in the pit of despair and my wife was feeling frisky, I'd tell her (which I rarely ever had to do) how depressed I was... and then I'd ask her if she was up for a challenge. The challenge was that I wasn't feeling terribly amorous at the time... but she was certainly welcome to try to get me ready to tear her clothes off again...

I have to tell you, she always welcomed the challenge... and it never failed to work... at least, for me.

Dan