What do you WANT to do? Not what ARE you going to do, but do you know what you want? There are so many variable dynamics going on here, I hesitate to say much of anything. Frankly, I don't have enough of the "big picture" to offer any sort of intelligent opinion. I have several friends who found themselves in similar circumstances as yours. They all spent a considerable amount of time with a therapist/psychologist before they were able to reach any sort of meaning decision about who they were and what to do with their lives. They all had wives and children as well, which greatly complicates things. Honestly, I would say that your best chance of finding the answers you are so desparately seeking would be to talk with a professional that is skilled in helping people sort out their identity/gender concerns.

Perhaps someone else here at PC can offer you more or better advice than I.

I wish for you clarity, certainty and contentment,

Dan