Not sure how to explain this but I think I avoided my T tonight. The thing is I WENT, but totally took control of the session and gave no space to what we talked about over the last several weeks. We had been processing my overwhelming anger at him...and I just pretended none of it had even happened. That's what I do with other people in my life. I definitely see that now. But I didn't go into the session consciously planning to do so... It scares me that I can be so much on auto-pilot. I avoided thinking about T all day and anxiously tried to find a new outfit/clothing.....ugh. It's so hard to explain. I do that on and off all the time and I know it is significant.

I am just wondering: do you ever do things to avoid your T in session? Instead of outright canceling, do you ever go and then not let your T in either blatantly or passively? I feel rather guilty right now and like I wasted my session. My T is smart enough to probably see through it, so I feel embarrassed too