Gary can no longer hurt you. Yours is an extreme example of too many sad relationships, though...

You should feel very proud to be able to admit that you did not have the will to leave him while he was alive... forgiving yourself for THAT is very important...because for whatever reasons, you simply were not able to... whatever it was that initially fueled your belief that you did not deserve happiness and love...(could have been anything...from a message from religion that divorce is bad to a dysfunctional parent or both, or???), as long as you identify the negative belief or beliefs about yourself that kept you in that 'marriage,' and you keep on letting those faulty beliefs 'go' whenever you hear their voices...you will be FINE.

I am glad to see that someone posted signs of abuse...for you and others to be aware of...Good to record those and avoid anyone who shows any of them!

You survived for good reason and have been able to come back 'to life' because there has been a deep love in you, which you are finally able to give to yourself.... CONGRATULATIONS!

So happy for YOU...YOUR LIFE!