we (men) have to somehow learn how to be able accept that we can ask for help and not be seen has weak, scared or feel ridiculed within ourselves,

its not easy, nothing ever is, but by finding one person whether it is a friend, wife, spouse, girlfriend, doctor, therapist, even online friends (less personal) you get the point, someone who you can trust, is a major step in making yourself better, even if that person cant "help" you in the conventional sense of the word, just having someone to listen to you and your concerns can alleviate a lot of the stress related to bottling it all up and trying to go it alone,

it took me 2 years of fortnightly visits for meds before I started trusting my doctor, and even now she doesn’t know everything, and never will, but my point is she has not judged or ridiculed me in any way, she can tell before I do when I am switching phases of my depression, when I am triggered how to switch me back safely and I can talk to her about anything that is stressing me out

you need to find someone who you can trust to talk too, to help in your own healing process, I hope you find that person whether it be in a face to face capacity or online in the forums.