I think I avoid her by not making eye contact sometimes. I used to be good with eye contact all of the time, but I’m not now, not when I really struggle. It's a bit like I avoid finding out that it's safe to really say something to her, because I can't look at her or acknowledge that she's heard me and is possibly responding non verbally to what I say. In some of the worst sessions, I didn't look at her at all, I just couldn't. And then there was the one session when I couldn't really bear to hear anything she said, so every time she spoke I avoided actually having a conversation with her by talking over the top of her. And sometimes these days, when something really big is going on between us, I talk about the easy things like exams and little everyday stressors instead. Whoops. Although sometimes on those occassions, my therapist slips in something like "Have you given any more thought to what we talked about last week?" And I have a very rapid change from everything-is-fine to the-whole-world-is-falling-apart.