hey sky. i'm not too sure what you mean... i know i have a tendency to 'over analyse' stuff at times. but then other times my analysing stuff is what seems to really help the therapy process along.

i was... going to not go back. so then i started trying to figure what that was about. why was i feeling like i didn't care and like i didn't want to go back? because i was scared he was going to hurt me, because he WAS hurting me. because of his taking time off. and also some confusion around boundaries. some scariness around his giving me his personal email address and telling me so much about his personal life (about his wife having a baby).

and so... what am i going to do about it?

if i try and talk to him about it next time... we might get to it or we might not. we are still getting to know each other on that front, you see. when i'm trying to talk about something that it hard it can take me a while to 'warm up' and figure out a way into talking about the stuff that is hard. as part of the 'warm up' i tend to ramble for a while fairly unemotively. and they tend to figure... their natural response seems to be... that i'm trying to avoid whatever it was that we were talking about previously. but that (typically) isn't the case. it is more that i'm avoiding the previous because i don't think it will be as beneficial to talk about as what i want to talk about. and i'm trying to get to it, i'm trying... but it is hard. and often times they bring the conversation back to the previous (thinking i'm avoiding) and so i don't get the opportunity to work through the ramble and find a way to home in on what is bugging me.

so i'm not sure we will get to it in session. and i'm not sure i know what to say about it at any rate. because i want to say things about the boundaries (for the most part) and about how it is hard for me when he goes away without falling apart with the vulnerability / terror that lies behind those feelings. just need some acknowledgement of the boundary thing so we are on the same page. and some acknowledgement so that it is common knowledge that i don't like his having time off / changing the schedule and that IS hard. no more needs to be said about it. not yet. not yet. later sure but not too much too fast. just need to get this out there.

thanks.