I have been for the most part a lot like you for years, its played big parts in me having eating disorders and really bad social anxiety that I am starting to get over. But it defiantly still exists in my life.

I guess my low self esteem is that when I do things poorly like treat close friends of mine rudely or struggle with managing my anger in better ways and it ends up hurting someone's feelings.

I feel like **** for it, so much so that I just feel its ok to hate myself....and at often times I do.

I have been told that I am a selfish person but my thought process is entirely that I worry far more about other people.

but some how some of my friends don't even notice that about me.
A lot of people know I have a very caring loving mom that does a lot for me and pretty much takes care of everything finically for right now for me. Now I did just get a new job perspective so hopefully some of this will change.

But the fact of the matter is yes I am a spoiled Fing brat and I hate it! I have asked numerous times for my mom to stop spending money on me, to try to find ways of making me fend for myself I almost to some degree wish she would throw me out of her house so it would give me a big enough boost to go out there and live a more normal like life.

No really knows or I think fully gets also that the major source of my depression, that kicked in and that sent to a psych ward. Was really from the fact of that I was trying to juggle going to school, finding a job, have a social life and maybe possibly dating life.

and all my family had asked me to do was to go to school and do well at it. But I couldn't....it bothered me far to much to be in school and living in an apartment that yes I paid the bills for but the bills were really being paid by my mother, cause the credit cards are all hers. She paid rent, phone bill, electric, gas, internet, my care insurance, the gas that went into my car and any emergency or doctor visits, as well as any and most all food I ate.

I felt horrid that I was the age I was and I was still living pretty much off my mother. And I notice that I am just fairly dependant on other people in general.

so I feel like I have a dependent personality disorder. Which I really need to break out of

so I guess this all might causes as to my own personal low self esteem.