There are times when I observe myself-- if I have enough self-awareness-- literally putting others into a "role", usually that of my abusive father. My T says that people do this all the time, but mostly we do it unconsciously. It has been very freeing to realize when I'm doing this, and to stop-- to allow people to be themselves, without the role constraints I try to box them into. I find people are usually nothing like my father, once I stop treating them as if they are.

Shouldn't the similarities in the "failing" of both relationships suggest that you had a substantial part to play in what happened-- you are, after all, the common denominator. Instead of looking at that, it seems like you engage in a lot of effort to convince yourself that it was your T's fault.

To Rainbow-- I think the same principle might apply to whatever is going on with your T right now. If you have cast her in the role of "the mother who abandons me", then of course it's going to feel really bad when you end therapy.

I would compare the end of therapy to a college graduation. Of course it is sad to leave behind all the good times, the support, the ability to grow and learn, but the real world calls. Be happy with what you've achieved and move into your life, taking the care your T has given you and the lessons with you. I'm sure you'll be fine. If you're not-- many T's take Medicare, and I think the co-payment is $10 or something like that.