my relationship with my mom was all over the place , i was neither loved properly, I know I was given alot of mixed messages and no nurturing, lots of emotional and verbal abuse going on.

Cant compare that to my t though, because I am not looking for nurturing or touch with my t nor am I looking for a mom figure with my t, that would be too scary for me, at least at a concious level, maybe I am doing it at an unconcious level who knows.