Hi, Ida. We here on PC have been through a lot, and strive to support each other. Sometimes it is a very hard thing to value yourself. Sometimes, hope seems like a fleeting thing. In times like that, it's like someone else has to hold the hope for us. We can't seem to find it, but we need someone else to share theirs with us.
Please get yourself in therapy. It has and is a huge blessing to me. If you have no insurance, there may be a state agency that will work with you on a sliding scale basis. Don't wait until things get really bad. If you are feeling desperate, do something about it today.
We care.