Hey there, I just have a couple of questions that I'm hoping someone may be able to help out with...please!!
First of all, does anyone know how a counsellor can tell if abuse really happened? It goes back to when I was 6 and had to borrow a dress from my friend coz mine was dirty. I can remember going into her house- while she caught the bus to school-, her father getting the new one out of her closet, arriving at school...everything is a vivid memory but the period between him being at the closet door and arriving at school. I have been asked a few times during my life if 'anything' has ever happened to me- i guess to 'explain' why my life has gone the way it has and why I have done the things I have- but to my knowledge nothing ever happened. BUT i have always retained this one specific memory and since talking to my nurse about it (the thoughts were sooo insistent I had to get them out of my head) even more doubt about the whole event has emerged. She said that I could go to a trained counsellor who would be able to tell if anything happened or whether it was just an innocent event that my warped mind has turned into something evil (in my own words!!). I am freaking out about this now- the whole point of me saying anything about this was to get it out of my head and then to forget about it for the rest of my life. Now though things feel like they are spiralling out of control even more. I know that if I just knew either way whether anything had happened then I could forget the whole thing, but I have NO idea of what happened in that blank period. I guess I am just so scared at the possibility that something could have happened, but at the same time I (almost) totally believe that nothing did- it is just that shadow of doubt that is growing every day, and becoming bigger and bigger...
and 2nd, what happens if I can never find out for sure either way- is there ANY way to know? I dread going through the rest of my life, especially now it is out in the open, not knowing either way. I NEED CLOSURE EITHER WAY!
sorry to blurt all this out like this...I just hope someone can help me out a bit with these questions. Thanks..