I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling, having dealt with incomplete memories that proved to be very significant to me. My best advice today is to focus on the present and stay grounded in the present while you look at your past. You clearly feel compelled to look and ask questions about why that point in time seems so toxic. It might be significant, and it might not, but you do not have to be afraid of your truth. You will know your truth when you are ready to face it. I don't feel a counselor must verify it to you or give you the answers. But, a counselor can certainly help you explore your feelings and memories safely, so I encourge you to work on this with confidence in who you are today. Today, you can be safe and get help. If anything happened to you as a young child, you didn't have that same power. You can have faith in you today.

Be well,

mtd