I feel the exact same way right now as a matter of fact..I thought i was going crazy and just trying to create issues in my life but you and others have proved to me that there is a possiblity things could have happened that i dont remember...My mom(when she was actually not bothered that i was home and in her sight) told me one time that when i came home from visiting my drunk abusive father at age 5 i was a very mean hateful little girl. That normally i was bubbly and happy but i wasnt like that and that i never was the same since. I dont remember..i dont remember alot of things except details that physically affect me now. But you are not alone sweety...you are in my thoughts and prayers and if you need someone to relate to you can PM me anytime. I am hoping I can have some closure as well. Good luck to you. Hopefully all is well.