Quote:
Originally Posted by shattered sanity
things like that don't bother me anymore- and i know that's very neggative, but with all the things that have gone wrong in my life, i really can't see myself developing any sort of future or being happy
it used to bother me all the time- you know, what do i want to be?. how do i want my future to turn out?. but i'm at the stage where i can't answer those questions... i don't know
my biggist fear has always been dying with nothing to show for it, so it's always been a sort of priority of mine to think about stuff like that- but as i say, i've lost so much, missed out on so much, that i can't see anything making much of a diffrence now
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I agree with Shattered Sanity. I started out marrying at 17 and was "Don's Wife", then at age 25 I became "Amber's Mom". At 42, after my divorce, I thought I would find me, but never did. I just seemed to drift. Sometimes I doubt there is really "a Me" to look for anymore.
Age has changed me. I, too, have a big fear of dying with nothing to show for it, but I do have my beautiful, wonderful daughter, who has no idea how lost her mother really is. My husband and I live as roommates. I do have two 13 year old dogs that love me. I can't support myself so leaving is out of the question. Maybe if this depression ever lifts I can manage some happy days. That is what I hope for.
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Bipolar I, Depression, GAD Meds: Zoloft, Zyprexa, Ritalin
"Each morning we are born again. What we do today is what matters most." -Buddha