I'm sorry - I can relate to your posts in many ways. Although I've never been hospitalized, I am quite fearful (well terrified) of being put in against my will. I also struggle with suicidal and self harm thoughts and have not told my T. I hint at it by saying things like, "I just want to give up" and "I don't see the point anymore." I know my T probably wouldn't do anything with the ideation anyway because I don't have intent and they really aren't supposed to hospitalize someone without intent....I can always say I definitely will NOT do it and it should be fine. I know it's hard though when there is no 100% guarantee.......