My supervisor at work is the same age as me, except she is very much a grown-up. She works full time, is married and has two kids, and takes on a gamut of responsibilities. She started at the library right after college, where she probably got all A's because she took her classes seriously.

If you put my supervisor and me side-by-side, you could say that she made all the right decisions, while I just coasted by, using my "mental illness" as an excuse not to accept responsibility. I put mental illness in quotes because some people have accused my real mental illness is "being a selfish, entitled little snot," and that if I got my act together, got married and had kids, I'd have my priorities straight.

They might be right that I am a selfish priss. I'm sure they're right. It just seems bizarre that having kids I don't want will teach me responsibility. That's a horrible way to view kids: as a punishment and a life lesson for me to learn not to be so selfish. They would suffer just as much with this experiment in me building character.

Whatever my mental issues are, having a family to take care of is not going to solve them, nor are they going to give me a purpose or an epiphany or any of that crap. Kids can be a blessing for many people, but I'm not one of those people who would see them as a blessing: I'd see them as a huge responsibility. I admit that I tend to make the wrong choices, but I'd rather not drag kids or a husband or family into my wrong choices.