My T told me yesterday that it appears I am holding out hope for my need to be loved to be filled by my parents, partner, other people....I told him rather indignantly that I just do not want to have this need at all. He said we all need it though....and that I might be able to fill some of this by caring for myself.

My T seems to believe that beginning by sharing my perspective in T (which I really really struggle with) and standing up for myself (he even said imagining standing up or sharing my perspective would be a good step) is one way of caring for myself. That being a mother myself, I have some idea of what children need.

Humph. I mean, I want to believe its possible, but for some reason it seems so insurmountable. The emptiness has no bottom. I'm not sure how much of an impact these tiny steps could make - but I guess I could try.