Thanks Newtus! Well my internal 'voices' are usually the same as my external 'voices' as in they sound the same and say the same sort of things, but just inside my head and I identify it as not me. Sometimes things get cloudy and I'm not sure if it was my internal dialogue/me or the voices.

I'm not so anxious since leaving hospital. I mean I get anxious about specific things I have to do that I find scary, but the generalised anxiety and paranoia have eased off. And I think the 'voices' have too - it's more 'did I think that or did they say that' than hearing them clearly. Now I should be overjoyed, but I'm like Costello's son in that I'm waiting for the shoe to drop. I feel like the 'voices' are my punishment for being a bad person and so I don't deserve for them to go away. And I'm scared things getting better means that I *did* make the whole thing up, which really scares me because I don't want to be a liar or attention seeker, or have people think that about me.

I'm just feeling like a fraud in general. I went to a local MH centre today (well my Mum made me because the Drs want me to be more independent and to do stuff away from my parents) so I went to help make mince pies. I was the only person, even including the centre staff, who'd ever made mince pies before and the other people attending the cooking group were clearly not very competent in the kitchen. So before I knew it, I'd slipped into fake helper/medstudent/psychology student mode and was supporting and encouraging the other people with each of the tasks rather than participating as they did. I don't know how to be me. I don't know who that is! But I'm well practiced in pretending to be 'normal' and help other people. And then because I put on such a good performance, I felt like I didn't belong there, that I was a fraud and wasting MH resources that other sicker people deserve more than I do.

IDK.

*Willow*