I have been struggling gambling for 18 years. It is beyond depressing to face reality and let go of my money dreams. I was so convinced I was going to change my life and all it would take is a big win. Well I am still in the poor house after 18 years. I have messed up so many times. I thought I was done screwing up and once again I blew it all on scratch offs this time. I don't beat myself up at all about it though. If I won I would be on cloud nine. Lose or win I am still me. I am thinking about treatment lately. Man it sucks to let go of my dreams and face reality. Reality is boring. Meetings are boring. I so want to be a millionaire but I guess life wants me to learn to be grateful for what I have. That is all I can think of why I have not been blessed like some people.