weird. I think I am in a really down place. I am thinking about suicide but I can't do our without my mother, sister, and boyfriend going too. and that is too much. I hate that I can't just kill myself without bothering anyone. I guess that's wgoingy I distance myself so much. I'd I was alone I could just do it. but I am looking for a painless way so I know on my past that means just a cry for help.

what do I do now? I want to walk to the nearest psych ward and check in.

I don't like this, but it is strangely comforting. being " light" when I am not manic and not depressed is weird. I am more comfortable in the dark with music and drawing eyes and writing bad poetry. if I win lottery, that's what I'm goin to do. order food delivery. watch Netflix, and lock the doors