I agree, at this point, sobriety, total sobriety,(which, ironically enough, my dad, recently told me, was his fathers advice to him, while going through divorce, when I was a kid and it was something, I instinctively implemented throughout my own divorce) if you already aren't, is in your best interest and that of the children. You, do have all these emails as evidence that your wife, was having an emotional affair. She is turning on you. It takes two to tango, so to speak. Just keep going to your psychologist, resolve all your childhood/early adult year traumas, focus on being the best father you possibly can. She did, indeed, turn her back on you. It's not your fault, her 'friend' left her.
If things, reconcile, they won't be as they were; if things don't reconcile, at least you'll be on the path to be a healthier, wiser man.