Many times I have wished I didn't have people who loved me so I could die without guilt but they are also the reason I am still alive. I don't know why but last week I had a night were I was convinced I was going to harm myself if I did anything so I made myself stay in bed and watch netflix until I fell asleep. The feeling was still there in the morning but it was easier to distract myself in the light of day. If you really feel desperate, seek help. I always get ahold of my best friend, even though she lives 8 hours away, she holds me accountable.