My family was dysfunctional and my hometown wasn't even a town but rather a stretch of road. I wanted to get away really badly when I was 15 but 10 years later I'm dying to get back.

My job makes me so depressed I cry almost every day. I have no time to have fun. If I move back home, chances are low that my boyfriend will be able to follow. I'm in the middle of a pre-cervical cancer scare. My weight won't stop climbing. My bf is the only person I have in ny and our work schedules are now opposite. I feel entirely alone and begin thinking of death.

I'm driving 5 hours home today and then jumping straight into an eight hour shift. My "Christmas" with my family lasted 1.5 days.

I think I am going to tell my dad I want to move into the house he is renovating, I think it's my safest bet for survival. I'll miss my boyfriend.