I agree with Daisymay. You have been through a lot. And I know that you had your therapist right there. It must feel like losing part of yourself. That's how it would feel to me anyway.

I too sought out therapy in 1998. I ended my relationship with my shrink in 2008 because we were at an impasse and it couldn't be resolved so I went with the consulting shrink. Even though I know I did the right thing, I still feel sad about my other shrink. And occasionally I give him a call to let him know about news or whatever. Sometimes he calls me back to thank me. It isn't the same but it reminds me that he really did care and still with me in a way.